Eternally " just the friend"

so clearly I'm not one of those types that gets on here everyday...I think it's okay though because I'm pretty sure I am the only one reading this.  Ironically, it helps.  Thinking something is totally different then reading it after the fact.  I have found through all of this blogging, that I am somewhat dramatic in the moment.  I don't know that it is necessarily a bad thing though.  I will say that in most cases I hold back more than I wish I did, so if in the passion of one moment I can be overly dramatic... then so be it!  I'll be even for all of the times I didn't say what I wanted to so badly.  Okay, so my mom keeps asking me about my love life....funny I think.  I have been single fOrEvEr...and I mean really.  I just laugh now when anyone asks me who I am dating...bc it never changes!  I am so unbelievably picky, and I hate that!  Honestly, I don't even think that I am so picky, but things just never work out!  I am all for personality over looks, but there has to be an inital attraction to get to that level!  And if that is shallow, then I am sorry!:)  Why is there so much pressure!  I am a chill girl, I need a chill guy.  Easier said then done!  So while all my friends are getting engaged and talking about marriage, I am already clearing space in my closet for the bridesmaid dresses.  Katherine Heigl...27 dresses....welcome to my life!  I kid that I'm going to have to track down all of my bridesmaids by the time I get married...haha or maybe I will just make things easier and elope in Hawaii!  

"Sometimes you have to stand alone to prove that you can still stand." -Anonymous

hOw I LoVe SuMmEr TiMe...

well, on a lighter note...it's Summer! I could not be more excited about not being in class! For someone who despises school as much as I do, I find it ironic that 1) I've managed to post-pone my graduating by a year...or two, and 2) that I have decided on a major which revolves around school! Although, let's be honest...we all know I am not going to be a kindergarten teacher because I love the teaching part...I just really like to play!:) "I get to be Malibu Barbie, you kids can play with the puzzles over there!" All in all, school is the farthest thing from my mind right now. It's so draining! I think degrees are overrated, but I dont know that my parents would agree. So now that summer is here, Im going to delight in the fact that I have three almost four months to completely blow my money on useless activities such as put put, and theme parks. Which reminds me that I will be dining with Shamu at Sea World about this time next week! Good Times...

Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability. ~Sam Keen

Battle Within Myself

Isn't it funny how when things in your life are good, they are so good...but when they are bad, just getting out of bed is difficult! Twenty one years, and I am just beginning to feel the need to be selfish. I have huge issues with guilt and responsibility. Ive had two jobs since I was fifteen years old, and yet I feel guilty when I need a break! I live my life as though I have kids to pay for or something. Everything has come to a head all in the past two months, and things have gotten really rough! I hate that I feel like I need to making everyone else's life easier, even if I am terribly unhappy. I can't stand confrontation, and therefore get walked on a lot. I always tell myself that I do these things because by me helping, I am somehow making there lives easier and enriching mine. I think I am just easily manipulated. I dont know how to stand up for myself, and I obviously dont feel as though my happiness is worth it. Im ready to be selfish. I want to make time to figure out my OWN life. If there was ever a time in my life to be selfish, these are the years right? Don't tell me, "You are so good here!", I hear "You can't leave, you NEED to be here." Dont say "Amber, you have worked really hard since you were fifteen!"...I hear "Why are you quitting now, you are more responsible than that".



Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.

-Benjamin Disraeli