I am still waiting for the day that a sigh of relief brings me just that...relief. I exhale, just to inhale all that is waiting to be worried about. I am dealing with a lot right now, A LOT. Maybe too much, but at this point, I hoping that I can come to some sort of positive outcome to all the stress. I am moving a million miles a minute, only because its harder to process all that is going on when there is no time to think about it.
The car. That might be my only time for thinking, and lately, I am not liking the thinking that is happening there. I've said it many times, but I do not do hard times well. I live to be happy, make people happy, exude happy...and right now, happy is the farthest emotion from my grasp. I'm praying so hard for my family right now, for many reasons. I'm still unsure of what I'm supposed to be learning from all of this, and just when I thought I'd gotten all of the spiritual lessons that were there to seen...there are more.
Humility is one thing I've gotten pretty solidly, and I realize more now than ever that no one's life is EVER perfect. Not even for a second. Just when something seems solid, something else begins to crumble. A lesson that nothing can be predicted or planned for. I don't want to go through life with a list of "I Wish I Would Have's...", which is why I'm enacting a new policy of honesty for myself. I don't like lying, but lying to myself is something I do all too often. So in true honest fashion, a little unload of my honest feelings.
That all being said, we keep moving forward and hoping for the best. Ash and my mom have moved to San Antonio for the month to do her last round of chemo and radiation. Her bone marrow transplant is scheduled for July 2ND. I honestly believe we all have one extraordinary thing we are supposed to do in our lives, and I hope that my stem cells saving Ash will be mine. I don't need anything else but for her to be okay. I love my family with all of my heart. Please keep sending your prayers our way, I love you all dearly,
xoxo a
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
When I Drive Home With The Radio Off...This Is What Happens...:)
Posted by To Have & Hold at 9:42 PM
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2 comments:
Amber, you're precious and I always look forward to your updates. You're all in my thoughts and prayers. You an inspiration and I know you've touched many lives, including mine. Thank you for being so real on here. Much love!
-Amber
Amber denae, I love you! Im sorry you're going through so much right now, I wish I could make it go away. Remember you're a tough cookie and are very loved and you guys will get through this and be better and stronger because of it. Did I mention I love you? :)
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