And It Went A Little Something Like This...Questions I'll Die Trying To Answer.chapter one.

You Want My Number?

It is inevitable. You are attractive, witty, charming...and BAM! My mind goes straight there...could we date, what would we do, hmmm winter or spring wedding? I think yes. Why is it that our minds go to such an extreme. I mean let's be honest, you haven't even noticed me! I am that girl. You know the one. Starbuck's, corner table...I'm staring at you from behind my Carmel macchiato,laptop,oh, and don't forget the huge imaginary wall either. A brick of fear, insecurity, humiliation, throw in some self-doubt and you've got yourself one sturdy wall. As if there is any real relevance to the thoughts running through my head, you can be sure that I've already given you a once over. I'm not sure my family will be thrilled about your arm of tattoos, but I think they are fun so we'll just go with it for now. We'll probably go hiking, you look like the outdoorsy type. I went camping once, and I didn't hate it, so I think we will be fine. There are normal bathrooms right?... You have good hair too, taller than me, check. The barista will be done grinding your coffee beans soon, and we've made awkward eye contact two or three times now...so in case you forgot, this is the part where you want to ask for my number. I mean I know it is a 'new age', but seriously, what happened to chivalry? Yes, I could ask for yours, except that I'm pretty sure it would go a little something like this...
"So..." (long pause)"...original blend...""mmmm...good choice." (pause, nervous hair flip) "Do you drink a lot of coffee?"...."Yeah, me too"...(fidget, fidget, fidget)"You know, a lot of these tables have two chairs...which is good if you have a bag or something...(haha, awkward nervous laugh)..."Or a person I guess, I mean, I don't though..maybe we could drink coffee at the same time.....I mean together sometime...I mean if you wanted to or something...".sigh. And this is probably where the extreme embarrassment and self-ridicule would begin to set in. Not to mention the rejection. You know that saying, "You are your own worst enemy...". I think I've made it my personal vendetta to prove this saying true, and the awkward embarrassment, well I just throw that in there to guarantee a little laugh at myself later. While I entertain my time with thoughts of how my life will be with him, Hot Tattoo Boy has gotten his coffee, paid, and started backing his Tahoe out of the packed Starbuck's parking lot. What is so intriguing about complete and utter public humiliation? Granted, constantly sitting alone is kind of embarrassing in itself,but the rejection that is sure to follow my split second of confidence; definitely exceeds the gain. So, I'll just sit here and sip my coffee instead.
Alright, alright, I may be slightly dramatic, and I'm probably not that socially awkward, in fact, I know I'm not...but Hot Tattoo Boy may beg to differ. Perhaps it is that I am too picky. This is what my mother will tell you. I don't think having standards is being too picky. And by standards, I don't mean unattainable standards. I don't think it is asking too much to meet someone with life goals that go beyond the span of one weekend. And games were fun when I was twelve...not so much anymore. Scrabble, Scattegories, Clue...now, those are all games I play. Player, Cheater, All-Around Man Whore...not someone I want as my teammate in the game of life. I get it. I'm young, have fun. I get it. But why does that have to be at the expense of self-regard? If you like me, tell me you do! Don't answer my questions with a question! And if you honestly feel like I could be your girlfriend, talking to five other girls at the same time confuses me! Mixed signals are never a good thing, because in the end, we probably, totally would have dated. Call it crazy, but I'd like to think that I could make someone amazingly happy, and that someone could quite possibly think so too. Why waste my time with the probably not's, I want to meet Mr. Right, heck, even Mr. Maybe Could Be Right would be just fine! I'm no psychologist, and definitely in no place to give any ounce of advice to be held in high regard. However, I know what I want, and I want what I know. You'd be amazed at what you learn from watching other people. On that note, when did crazy become attractive? Seriously. I've had many people explain this to me because I totally don't get it! I mean really boys. You're telling me that even if a girl is totally crazy, and you recognize it...it's just something you look past? I don't get it. As a sane, completely normal girl, this is just not a revelation I understand. I have friends who I guess for the sake of dating someone, can overlook crazy tendencies. And is there no embarrassment factor for you boys? I will be the first to admit, that I care entirely too much about what others think, and that in part may be why I'm still single. But does dating someone who is just so unlike you, and slightly annoying..not make you a little self-conscious about what your friends REALLY think about her? Here's another one for pondering...why is it that when someone is completely un-available, they are suddenly so attractive! Perhaps it's the sudden realization that now, you really don't have a chance. Or maybe it's just the honest revelation that those feelings were there all along, and you never acted on it...but you should have. What is it about a slightly attractive guy that makes girls just act...and ask ridiculous questions? Things you would never think to question on a regular basis?
The scene: A casual, friendly, dinner date. At this point, you are more interested than him. He's totally oblivious to your feelings, as he is still putting out the friend vibe.
The Scenario: Dinner goes well. Conversation flows pretty well...work, weekends, family. All around nice time. He pays. But probably not because he's interested, just because he is a super nice guy. You end with a nice hug, and a "We should do this again..."
The Aftermath: Now, most would take this to be a possible future good friend. But you, wearing your blinding love goggles, suddenly begin to question every aspect of dinner! "What did he think about what I was wearing?" "Should I have not ordered a drink?"...yes, all silly questions. And yes, all things that cross a girl's mind. Dare I say we over analyze things?
I know what you are saying. Where is the confidence? And I will tell you first hand, that all that goes out the window just as soon as Mr. Right Now throws you a curve ball. You might call it "playing hard to get", but a girl with call it "loss of interest". As soon as that sets in, you can pretty much guess that your girl is second guessing everything about herself and you in the same equation.
I also don't understand this proverbial idea that because I'm twenty-three and single, I'm doomed for a life of solitude. Part of me is choosing to be single. I am not a complete loser, and I do get asked out on rare occasion. Call it shallow, but I want to be attracted to some aspect of you as a person if we are going to venture further than a drink and a date. I'm not just referring to looks here. I can't tell you how many times I've met someone on not necessarily been attracted physically. Personality really is a number one, and if you've got one, and a good one at that, I will become instantly smitten. Things do not have to be complicated. ever. Boy likes girl, boy tells girl, boy dates girl. End of story. All that other bs can be left out!:) Final word to the wise: baby talk is never attractive, unless you are talking to a baby. And even then...why would you want to be attractive to a baby?