And It Went A Little Something Like This...Questions I'll Die Trying To Answer.chapter two.

Desperation...A Recession Friendly Approach To Dating

I blame my mom. That and my inability to enjoy down-time for more than two hours. I don't know how to relax. I don't work for the money, I just need to be busy. And this my friends is why I am single. It's not that I don't want a companion, I just can't have one. The needy type is a hard one for me to grasp. I'm still trying to find that nice balance of, 'I want to see you, but not smother you' type.
While all the other girls were going out on their first dates, my mom was telling me, "You are young, have fun! You don't need a boy." A notion, I apparently feel the need to apply forever. I'll be forty and googling bridesmaids on classmates.com, for a civil ceremony where I'll be wearing a white business suit, because frankly, at that age, you don't bother with lavish wedding details. I'll be fairly secure in my career, whatever I decide it to be. And while the judge is asking "Do you take this man...", I'll be reciting "You don't need a boy" over and over in my head. A sentiment that at forty...I might just have to agree to disagree with. Dang Women's Movement. What happened to having babies, and baking cookies? Kidding of course, but being independent is not all that it is cracked up to be. I mean sure, you are powerful, self-sufficient, and a force to be reckoned with...yeah, yeah, yeah. What they fail to mention to our young impressionable minds is that this list is accompanied by yet another list: lonely, jealous, and broke. I get it, the latter doesn't sound as appealing to the every day consumer, and had I heard that list, I might have opted for babies and cookies like many of my friends. I know, I'm stereotyping. You can have babies, and cookies, and a career, but at 23? What sense is there in that? It's like signing up for a pension plan when you are thirty. I'm not being judgemental here, just bitter, really. My mom had me when she was a mere twenty, and I wouldn't have it any other way! All my friends think she is hot, and I get to borrow/steal her clothes all the time, and most think she is my sister! Not to mention the fact that she is pretty "hip" as she would say, and probably my best friend. Had she been thirty when she had me...we'd probably hate each other. Again, kidding. I actually love that all of my friends are having babies. I can play with them, live vicariously through their lovely lives, and then return home to my queen size bed, and pillow appropriately named boyfriend.
Secondly, being single is not cheap. Oh let me count the ways:
For starters, social activities alone are enough to warrant a second job. One of which I have, and yet my bank account is continually depleting. My good friends MasterCard and Visa will all back me up on this I am sure. At least the 'takens' can trade off paying. And if your not lucky enough to have a significant other who shares this same view, I can guess that you guys break even in other ways. Yep, I said it. I know what you're saying. Why go out so much? Typical. And unless you are sending potentials to my house to cook me dinner...no more questions!
Here's another one I ran into at last night's dinner. End of the meal, nicely waiting for the check. A large group of about eight or nine. Even number of guys and girls, and although some were couples, it wasn't overtly obvious to our waiter, or so I thought. "So how do we want to do the checks tonight?" We all asked for split checks, and yet when he got to my friend and I..."By yourselves, alone,separate,single...?" I kid you not. There was a list of adjectives to which he used to describe our current situations. I laughed, and then I cried, as my date for the evening, Discover, picked up the tab. So this is why I've come to my latest conclusions on dating. Being desperate is a route some girls take because it is just more cost effective. And if you're being truly honest with yourselves, most girls are just shallow. More so than they will ever let on. Own it. Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures! No pun intended. In today's uncertain economic times, I guarantee that a girl will shamelessly take you up on a date, if it means she will still be able to afford that Coach purse at the end of the week. Heck, maybe you'll even buy it for her.
Now some girls would opt for a sugar daddy, and yes, they do actually exist! How do I know you ask? I had someone ask if they could be mine on myspace once, apparently they recruit these days. I declined, I mean seriously? When I told the creeper that although I am sure their are girls out there that would happily take him up on his offer, I was not one of them. To which he replied, "Thank you so much! What a compliment!" Really? No sir, actually, I just told you I think you are disgusting, and that I'm not an easy, financially irresponsible twenty-something. Apparently my extreme sarcasm doesn't come through in myspace messages. But to each his own. Financially irresponsible? Maybe, but classy girls do not have sugar daddy's. And, classy I am.
While we are on the topic of such networking websites, let's touch a little on Internet dating shall we? When my facebook profile says that I am just looking for friends...crazy, but yes, I am actually just looking for friends. And not the type that lurk outside my windows at night, thank you. To stalk someone on facebook, twitter, myspace, what have you... and then try to fake like you casually keep running into them in public. SCARY! Quick side note: if you've never met me, and you then ask me where I live and the exact address...you don't come off as interested...some might think that falls more along the lines of crazy! Mkay? I'm definitely not saying that you can't date someone you meet on facebook, or e-harmony, people do it all the time, I'm aware. In fact, I may have had an e-harmony profile at one time, for research purposes of course. 'Review Your Matches For Free'...yeah right! What that actually means, is fill out our ridiculous ten page questionnaire, and then we will link you to Trevor, Dan, and Jason. Ironically enough, they all have the same question mark for their picture, and as far as "reviewing" their profile...name, location, occupation, religious views. Anything beyond that...$60 please. I mean I've had instant messages where I've learned more about a person than that! A/S/L? Covered, and for free! Really? Why am I paying you $60 to tell me that Trevor likes reading, nights in, and coffee in the morning? I don't think the E-harmony people appreciated my answer to question #5,452..."Which is the best way for your matches to get in contact with you?" My answer: a link to my free facebook page. And, I couldn't justify spending $60 to look at a bunch of question mark men, I can do that with clip- art. Not to mention the fact that I still havent convinced myself that meeting someone on E-Harmony is any less creepy than meeting someone random on Facebook. Call me a cynic, or old-fashioned, but I'm working on it. I guess I won't be one of their successful love matches anytime soon. I mean really, I could have this all wrong. According to the New York Times, online dating numbers are up! It's like SIMS for real life. "Jay would like to meet your avatar at the local nightclub....Accept?" Apparently online dating sites are attracting a more frugal crowd these days, so ladies if you are planning on meeting the provider of your future dreams...think again. What happened to casually introducing yourself to someone attractive in public? And why does it have to be a bar? Creepers just ruin it for everyone. You can't be a single girl and get asked out for coffee by a complete stranger anymore. Either they want to go for coffee, and then maybe let you go home...but possibly locking you in the basement is also on the table. And double dates? When has this actually ever worked out? Trying to coerce a fellow single friend into tagging along...virtually impossible. Where is the faith girls?! I wouldn't set you up with a complete loser! No, no, I like to keep those to myself.
I guess all we can do is hope that our faith in dating will soon be restored, and so will the flow to our bank accounts! If we're really lucky, maybe our faith in Mr. Obama will come around too! Until then, I will just have to opt for meaningless FB chat sessions, and expensive dinner's on me.