And It Went A Little Something Like This...Questions I'll Die Trying To Answer.chapter five.

Humble Humility:  The Kind Where Just A Little Is Enough

 

     Judging by my life's events, you would think that humility was a passion of mine. A passion it seems, but not one I am purposely seeking. Walking up stairs is a task I still haven't mastered, and all those times I went strutting through the grocery store, only to get back to my car with one earring...or something in my teeth. Humble Humility at it's best! We go through this life day by day, the best we can. Doing what we think is right, but never fully knowing if the decisions we are making are good...or good for the moment. Sometimes, it is all I can do to just decide something, just for the sake of making a decision and moving on. Getting dressed in the morning alone is a task. And for what? So all the cute guys at school who aren't noticing me can not notice me AND my well thought out outfit? I mean can you honestly remember what someone else was wearing just the day before? I am lucky if I can remember what I was wearing two hours ago. My only saving grace most days is my tendency to fall out of my daily outfits as I'm falling into bed for the night. It really is a great system. There is no tricky 'Is this clean?' head game in the morning, because it is always nicely piled right there on the floor. Don't worry, this is not going to be a chapter on how I get ready in the morning, moving on...now. The lessons we learn on a daily basis, are typically hard to understand and at times, even hard to acknowledge. However, it's something you take in stride. Something you should make reasons not to forget...because as I've learned, God will bend you in a way that is far more embarrassing, than if you had just been a little more self-aware in the first place. A way of humbly reminding you.  Case in point:  Not only am I the most un-coordinated you will find, but I also am becoming more increasingly aware of my tendency to love all that is un-cool. A self-proclaimed dork, and maybe just maybe...ready to own it.    All that being said, I look back and it's no wonder embarrassing things keep happening. It's embarrassing that I get dressed up to go grocery shopping. It's embarrassing that until now, I've cared so greatly about such minimal things. I'm going to say that 2009 has been a jam packed year of life lessons. I've done more living in my twenty-three years then most will ever have the chance to do. I've learned lessons that some are lucky to have not had the chance to learn. But I'm grateful. I've learned things some don't grasp until they are well past a time when those lessons might have been helpful, perhaps when it is too late...

Humbly humiliated? Yes. But, forever changed? I can only hope.

Humility has a humorous and sometimes cruel way of reminding us of all that we should remember in our daily encounters with others. A few I've found most recently...

1. That we arent as cool as we think we are.

2. There will always be someone more beautiful or handsome.

3. Someone always has it harder than we do.

4. Not having your Starbuck's in the morning is not a tragedy. Not having somewhere to sleep at night is.

5. You don't have to be in love to give love.

6. Life is so much easier when you don't beat yourself up for someone else's "idea" of the kind of person you are.

7. What your family thinks about the way you live your life...the best reference to go by.

8. Feeling good about the character you possess...so much better than feeling bad. So you should probably do things that make your character known to others in a positive way.

9. Nothing beats being happy.

10. It's much easier to let someone in, when the door isn't closed. But, if it must be closed, shut it lightly. Treat people kindly. Hopefully, when you do finally open the door, they are there, waiting with open arms.

11. Hard times are hard, but you're experience can make it softer for someone later on.

12. No matter what choices you make in life, good or bad...Good people will be there to dry your tears or give you congragulatory hugs. If you havent been shown this love before, be that love for someone else.

13. Good friends are hard to come by. If you find some, let them know what they mean to you and hope they feel the same.

14. Life Is Beautiful.

15. As a last resort, ice cream, comfy blankets, candles, and Sandra Bullock movies are still a popular remedy for a close to a hard day. You may go to sleep crying and with a stomach ache...but when you wake up, the sun will be shining once again.

Much Love,

a

Really Sir? Really?

So let's talk about my weekend...and GO!
Disclaimer: Mom, I already took care of it...and the Insurance...bc I know that is your next question, I have a plan for that too! So...I love you, and Sorry, and I love you?! xo (You should probably look at this picture and remember I'm your favorite before you call me mad):)

I got ANOTHER speeding ticket. Ugh. I mean, I don't even know if I can be mad. I only learn lessons the hard way, that is for sure! I will say, for all the lesson learning I am doing, it's about time for some fun lessons.
Like for example...
closing out my bank account and going to Las Vegas...a fun lesson to be learned.
serial dating, dream worthy date...on a night I should be doing papers...a fun lesson to be learned.
eating ice cream for breakfast....lunch...and dinner...a fun lesson to be learned.
Where I used to be charming and friendly, I find myself just bitter and annoyed with the officers pulling me over. First of all, can we remind ourselves of my 5'6 frame, and Miley Cyrus playing on the radio? Not exactly threatening, so if you could refrain from using your CB radio announcer here in this empty parking lot...I bet I'll still be able to hear you if you would just get out of your car and walk up to my window. Mkay Thanks.
Secondly, although I am sure you are a very nice man, you are about to kindly tell me I am going to be $200.00 more poor...so we can probably just skip this small talk...I don't think you really care to know 'what kind of line of work' I am in, and suddenly I am not in the mood for sharing. The Tx State window sticker is a good indicator...Occupation: 5 minutes ago...Student. Now that we've met: Really Poor Student.
So it seems my days of race car driving are over... Tonight I pretended my little two door cobalt was a Buick and I was a feeble 70 year old woman, all the way home. Slow lane, not so bad...and cruise control...my new 'life tool'.

Now, let's rewind back to Thursday night. Dinner with Donnie, Kane, and my two favorite Ashley's. Good times all around! Ended the evening @ Clayton's...before he went off for an Architecture presentation. A quiet drive home, and my good friend Amos Lee sang me to sleep. What would this world be without I-tunes? Sad, sad, sad.
Friday night I went to Homecoming at my high school. I haven't been back in a few years, and I'm going to say, for the first time I didn't wish I was still in high school!:) Success! haha. Adult life is finally more fun, minus the responsibility...but I can deal.
Saturday was Jessica's funeral. Obviously sad. It's so crazy to sit there and really realize she is not here anymore. I think for me, most of my pain comes for Elysia. I can only imagine what she is going through, and I can really sympathize because in February when Ash was diagnosed, it was a possibility that I could at some point go through the same thing. My world would be over. Ash is my everything. It's not something I could ever prepare for or understand. I think her parent's put it so perfectly to say that Jess is now free from a body that held her captive. She really can be so close to us all now, and she is free and able to live as she used to.
Saturday night was Breezy's Sweet 16. Crazy. She is my exact opposite, and anything girly...not even remotely exciting for her. So you can imagine her annoyance when two hours before her party, I asked her if she wanted me to pick out an outfit for her...and where I should set up my 'Sweet 16 Hair/Makeup' Station? haha, I lost. but she looked oh so cute dancing with her friends, and we had a good time for sure.

Much Love Always,
a

Lesson Of The Week: A Lesson For The Weak...

So I've been doing a lot of thinking this week, as I often do. There is a song I love entirely too much, and in it she sings..."I think I think too much...." yep, written for me for sure! However, on rare occasion, the sad music I always end up listening to and the candle lit room I write in does make for some good self-realizations. I will be the first to say that I analyze way too much, but I always learn something. And because I know you want to know...here is what I am thinking:
I'm finally realizing that the standstill I feel I am in is all brought on myself. No one is going to hand me what I am looking for, no one is going to point me in the direction that I am going to find it...except for myself. Happiness is something that has to be sought after, and if you don't have enough of it, its because you aren't pursuing it enough. They say you have to go after what you want whole heartily and passionately, and I do not. I don't mean this to be misconstrued as if I have this looming cloud over my head. I do pursue happiness, and I have it... but not to the extent I know that I could. I have such expectations for my life, that I think a lot of the time I am afraid to pursue them at all. I am weak and scared. And all too often, I let that be my excuse to seek the comfort in what I already know. Here's the deal though, I have nothing to lose, because right now, in terms of those dreams...I have nothing. I feel like for the past five years, I've been struggling to find out who I am. And until now, I don't think I really had a grasp on it. I push a lot in my life away completely, because it's safe, and I know what to expect. Unexpected is scary, but knowing every move I am going to make is finally getting repetitive. I am ready to be vulnerable to the bigger picture. I'm ready to quit pushing everything and everyone away and embrace all that I don't know! And there is a lot. If there is one thing I've claimed to know...it is that life is all too short! I am surrounded by amazing people that have had it hard lately. And even that is an understatement. I want to take what I have honestly learned from them and let that be reason enough to hold myself accountable to all I should be doing. I claim to be learning so much from them, and yet here I am sitting back, and letting this ONE life pass me by! It is short, but it can be sweet, and I am ready to make it so so sweet.

What Happened To The Days When Being Sick Meant "Princess For A Day"?

I am sick. Well yes, in more than once sense of the word, but today I am refering to being physically ill. I was going to originally spend this post talking about how my inevitable slide into adulthood was beginning, and then through all the sniffiling and work to breathe normally...I had an epihany. A stuck on the couch, six pillows, downcomforter kind of a revelation. I don't want to grow up. Can we talk about how there is nothing more miserable than being sick when you live alone? I will claim the feminist, independent woman card all day long, but when it comes down to it, when I am sick, I am hopelessly needy. I want to be taken care of! Chicken Soup? Yes, please, and if you could snuggle despite my homely appearance, contagious 'I don't know what I have' symptoms, and incredibly bad taste in outfit choice, that would be nice too. As if being sick weren't bad enough, my car broke down on the way home too. My lungs hate me, my car hates me...can a girl get a break?! What did I do? I cried. That's right. Car doors open, car hood up, front seat bawling. Nevermind that there were people all around. I didn't care.
"I just want to get into my bed...wah wah wah"...this probably deterred any possible help from the slew of people waiting at the bus stop in front of my car. The situation looked tragic I'm sure. What did this damsal in distress do you ask? What every damsal would do, I called my Dad. Prince Charming, not so available right now. He drove me home, and towed my car. Good day. I got home, dropped the heels, threw on a hoody and fell into bed. I went to the doctor later, all for her to tell me that the symptoms I was exhibiting were usually cured with sleep and lots of fluids. Really? $30 dollar co-pay for that? I'm going to med-school. Well, sleep? That's not happening this week, and my lungs would beg to differ, so some prescribed relief please. Perscribed she gave, relief...three days later, and I'm still waiting on that part. Ash wanted to bring me soup that evening, but all the way from Austin. And even I, in my compromised state, realized that was ridiculous. However, as soon as I hung up with her, I realized I was cold and thirsty. For five minutes I sat there thinking of how great the days were when I lived at home, and Mom came running with all that I needed. It wasnt until after those five minutes did I realize that wasnt going to happen, and was forced to get it myself. Dizzily stumbling through the hall to my kitchen, I decided growing up sucks. Not only was my Brita water filter empty, but five minutes after cozily settling back into my fort on the couch...burning up! Ugh. I'm hoping menopause is a thing of the past by the time I turn sixty. Then a Sonic commercial came on and convinced me an ice cream sundae was all the cure I needed. Hair sexily fountaining from the top of my head, my black yoga pants stuffed in a pair of Ugg boots, and my comfy hoody on, I treked outside, keys in hand. All to turn the corner to my driveway to remember, I didn't have a car. Defeated, I went back inside, fell into bed once again, shoes and all...and passed out for the night. At 7pm. Being sick when you are young has perks beyone belief. When you are an adult, its just sad.

And It Went A Little Something Like This...Questions I'll Die Trying To Answer.chapter four.

'I Have A Dream'...Now What?

Why are things always better in our dreams? If we are intelligent enough to piece together events in our sleep, that make us want to go back to sleep, even if just for five minutes. Than why is it so hard to make that happen in real life? As if finding out who that cloudy face was you were about to kiss, is going to change the course of your days events. It is pointless. Just like when you wake up one minute before your alarm clock goes off, and yet you still close your eyes for the now 44 seconds that are left in that moment. I mean yes, I can kiss a cloudy face in real life, and with 6th street a mere thirty minutes away, easily so. But what does it actually take? In my dreams, I am invincible. A force to be reckoned with, someone that someone wants to look up to. I am fearless and forward. I take what I want, and demand what I deserve. And in my dreams, I look like Natalie Portman and I might be 5'9, but those are minor details. I'm pretty sure my sister has it all figured out. The other night this is how she told us she was going to sleep...
Sister: "Alright guys, well I'm going to go think about what I want to dream about."
Me: "What does that even mean?"
Sister: "Oh yeah, well I haven't been having very exciting dreams lately, so now I just go lay in bed a little earlier and think about it first."
Me: "Does it work?"
Sister: "Every time".
Now I agree that it does sound like a pretty legit plan, but we first have to remember that all she is really having to think about, is whether or not she is marrying Brad Pitt or Jude Law. And between the secret love children and nanny cheating Jude is accustomed to these days, Brad is the obvious choice. Too much baggage is never a good thing, even if just in a dream. Now 'Dream Planning' as I will refer to it would be great if it somehow involved transpiring dreams into a reality as well. A well-versed optimist, and yet when it comes to the life that I want to lead, I'm a bit of a pessimist. Everything I've ever wanted to do in my life, I've told myself it isn't practical. And maybe it isn't, but jobs that real people have nonetheless. If it is a practical way of living for them, why can't it be a practical way of living for me? Again, most of which I am referring to didn't really grow up 'practically', more like privileged. But still, normal people can have these amazingly wonderful lives too... It happens. A wise professor once told me that it is dangerous to daydream because our reality can never live up to what we imagine in our dreams. But what if what we imagine in our dreams is better than anything we imagine doing in real life? I've had my fair share of crazy dreams, and in some cases it is probably best that they occur only in my head. Vegas showgirl probably wouldn't have panned out, Jesse Spano kind of ruined that one for me...she should have just stuck with Saved By The Bell, I sill looked up to her at that point. Showgirls, not her best move, but VH1 still plays it from time to time, so there's a small kick back I'm sure. Songwriter to the stars...I couldn't make that one happen either. Being able to play the instrument you are trying to sing to, some would call it a necessity, I'll throw that one into the logistics category. I guess part of the problem, is that not only do I have no idea how to go about bringing my dreams to fruition, I also have a small problem with uncertainty. I'm kind of all over the place, and I think I'm kind of okay with that. That I am certain of. Bravery is probably one quality I would need for sure, and maybe a little stupidity. Check and Check. I think it would also be wise to have an ounce of ill-regard for others. Let's face it, in doing what you want, you are probably going to be disappointing someone...so I'm thinking it would be more to my advantage if I could find it in me to just not care. Oh to be self-centered, and driven. Not to say that only successful people are self-centered, but yes, that's what I am saying. Is it such a bad thing? Narcissism is a quality we all posses, and rightfully so.
I am driven, but probably not in ways I should be. I'm driven to blog instead of studying, driven to drive to the mall to spend money I don't have, things of that nature. All the best authors have credit card debt. It's like a pre-requisite. In terms of actually moving forward with a career and life in general...ehh, it will happen when it happens. They say you need passion to do what you love, and passion I have. But honestly, if passion were enough to make all your dreams come true, than I would have been well on my way quite some time ago. My passion for writing started at an early age thanks to my mom's ability to get under my skin, and my mellow-dramatic tendencies. Reading my journals quickly became a favorite past time at sleepovers, as most of my entries started out a little something like this...
Dear Journal,
Today was the closest to worst day of my life...# 7! My journal's became such a hot commodity, that people actually stole them. The one's I still have are probably collector's items at this point. I write a lot, but to say that it is something I could make a career out of...this I am not sure of. I basically write what I know. My life. I'm not this clever storyteller, I can't come up with catchy character names. Sarcasm is my number one tool, and that is all I go on. Life cannot be taken seriously, and my life is far from it. I feel as though my venture through this life would also be much more productive if I didn't find in interest in everything I do. Isn't that why they call them hobbies? No No, I believe that they should all somehow be made into one, cohesive career. And don't even get me started on that dream of 'happily ever after', because I am fading fast on that one. For now my happily ever after is my comfy bed, my room to myself, candles late at night, and Dave Barnes on repeat . I hate to be a broken record, but I am still comfortably bitter, and finding things that I still don't understand about the opposite sex.
So in terms of a dream...I'd like to find out how to first remember what the heck I did dream about last night. I know it had to have been good, because I woke up smiling, only to think..."Wait, where was I?" We're doing good if I can remember if it was happy or scary. The smile is not a sure indicator. It could have either been a nice dream that warranted a nice smile, or I am just reflecting on how ridiculous I am. Most wake up instantly when they have that 'I'm falling' feeling, or something startles them to wake up...not me. I may wake up, and then try and reason whether I am in fact really falling. A recent development: I've mastered the art of pulling muscles in my sleep. Two weeks in a row now. It's a talent even I didn't know I had, and not one I'm sure I would like to keep exploring. Secondly, I think there should be a support group for all the in-between. Hint: If you're confused, I'm referring to myself here. In-between doing what I am going to do, and doing what I want to do. Practicality is by far overrated, and this I am positively sure of. I have been pursuing a degree that I describe as..."it will be a great job when I have children...". Fact: I've been single for five plus years now, children are not in my near future...there not even in any realm directly or indirectly related to me at this point. To all you five to seven year olds out there...when your teacher asks you what you want to be when you grow up, pick something good! And it would be best and less costly to your parents when you are in college if you would just stick with that. Because let's face it, though at five, rockstar sounds a little extravagant, at twenty-three, it's totally looking like a good life plan. Rock On.

And It Went A Little Something Like This...Questions I'll Die Trying To Answer.chapter three.

Helping Yourself To Self-Help...And Everything Else You've Never Wanted To Admit To





So I traveled home the other day, as I often do when my fridge is empty and the Diet Coke's are gone. Upon walking into the office where my mom was diligently updating her facebook status, she presented me with this question:
"Do you think I screwed you up?"
My first initial thought...uh oh, what did I last blog about? Let's be honest, I don't hold back too much when it comes to blogging, because I think my three readers can handle the truth.
Hmmm. I guess I've never really thought about it. Don't get me wrong, I do like to analyze. My life, my decisions...breakfast. However, whether or not the world thinks I am normal is not something that crosses my mind often. I like questions, but what does that mean? Either A. My mom full heartily believes I am in fact screwed up, and unaware of such a fact. Hence, the question. Her inquiry: sort of a test of my knowledge about my level of crazy. Or B. Someone has planted a seed in my mom's brain, and she isn't sure of the answer either. When all else fails, seek a second opinion. Right? I will agree that I am slightly dramatic at times, it is true. Really, I attribute this to my extreme sense of all that is emotional. I am, always have been, and always will be super open about what I am feeling at any given time. If I didn't learn anything else in kindergarten, sharing is one thing I picked up. I am flawed, and notably so. This is probably why on a Saturday night, you can usually find me at Barnes & Noble, perusing it up in the Self-Help section. I'm unsure of what this says about me, but when faced with a challenge, press on! I think if I ever decide to write a self-help book, I will title it 'Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover...Go For One With Fun Colors'. I'm sure I don't actually have half the problems I read about, but good covers usually make for a good read. No harm,no foul. I mean who really has the time to first wander through the isles of self-help books, pick one, and then take the time to read the insert to really decide if it will fix all of your problems. We are curious people, but it is a little embarrassing. No one really wants to be seen in the Self- Help section, so instead you linger at the end of the isle. Curiously looking, all the while still very aware of the nice old woman two isles over looking at cookbooks. When someone wanders onto your radar, you quickly dash into the next closest isle. Beware though, sometimes this too can be tricky. Especially when the isle next to the Self-Help section is conveniently labeled Sex & Relationships. If you've never frequented this isle, you will be met with a slew of covers with very suggestive titles, and lots of scantly clad models. Which is more awkward? I mean, that my friends is a decision you are going to have to make on your own. I'll tell you what is awkward...my mom yelling "Huh...what is this rabbit thing all these books talk about!?".....Me: "A vibrator Mom!" I've never heard my mother laugh so hard, and I can accurately guess that neither has most of Barnes & Noble. So while I was trying to escape the embarrassment, from two isles over, her delayed reaction rang loudly. "Wait! How do you know about the rabbit!?" To the nice man sitting on the floor reading origami books...yes, she is talking to me. No need to worry Mom, one afternoon of any of the prestigious documentaries such as The Kardashians on E!, and you can bet it will be mentioned. I am still innocent as you remember.
While drifting through the countless rows of books Saturday night, I came across a few interesting titles. And just so we're clear...these were found in various sections, not in the previously mentioned.

For starters, "The Secret"? More the like 'The Secret I Couldn't Keep'. It's really not much of a secret when you are in Oprah's Book Club, on New York #1 Bestsellers List, and basically everywhere you look. I'm just saying.

And this one: "Should I Do What I Love, Or Do What I'm Doing (just to do what I love on the side)"...haha. I mean I think it's typical etiquette to first ask when using someone as your muse, but muse is one job title I will gladly accept, even if not properly asked. I don't mind. It's pretty obvious that whoever wrote this book clearly had me in mind. I'm sure if you go to the dedications page, there would be a beautifully scripted dedication, something to the effect of: 'Dearest Amber, Thank you for not having a clear direction or purpose in your life, for aimlessly wandering through college while you try and figure it out...this book is for you.' I'm jealous that I didn't think of it first. You could all be referring to this little blog and saying..."I knew her when she was just starting out...who knew."

I liked this one too,
"Young Women Searching for Love and Sex, and Failing At Both"
Really? Last I checked they came hand in hand. Perhaps if women would find love first and then opt for the sex, they'd have better success rates. Should you choose to forgo the love as a first step, I would recommend a stop by the Self-Help section on the way to your date. Then when you do fail miserably as this book predicts, you are readily prepared to nurse your ailing ego back to health. If that doesn't work out for you, serial one-night stands should not be your next option, despite the suggestions of your better male halves.

And this was fun as well,
"Soulmate: Master The Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life"
I didn't actually take the time to open this book, but I think it must have gone a little something like this...
Rule # 1: When shopping, channel your inner "lost boy" and fashion all outfits after Ferris Bueller.
Rule # 2: If you think it sounds crazy, it probably is...but boys LOVE this!
Rule # 3: Clingy is the new Cool.
Rule # 4: When spending the night, take his favorite pillow and sleep on his side of the bed. When he says he hates this,he's using reverse psychology.
Rule #5: When he says he is willing to wait until you are ready, he is telling the truth! True Love Forever!
Rule #6: He absolutely loves the five minute play-by-play of your day you've been texting since you woke up this morning.
Rule #7: He feels warm and fuzzy inside when you change his ring tone for you to "Endless Love", without telling him.
Rule #8: When he is having his guys night in, he loves when you break out the fully planned wedding notebook to discuss colors. It doesn't matter that he hasn't even proposed...it's going to happen soon, your intuition is totally on point.
Rule #9: Being alone is a state of mind. Feel the humility, see the humility...you are the humility.
Rule #10: Social activities will throw off your inner core, so you should just avoid being social at all costs.

And finally,
"You Can Heal Your Life: Gift Addition"
Yes, its true. As if buying this book for yourself wasn't gift enough, you can give it to a friend too! Nothing says Happy Birthday, like a gift that says "You have issues".

From what I gather, the Self-Help market is an easy one to break into. Clever Title, Pretty Cover, Lost Consumer...and you've got yourself a #1 seller! Bottom line ladies and gentlemen, you have all of the tools to pointlessly medicate your emotional needs on your own. Logic being the most prescribed.

And It Went A Little Something Like This...Questions I'll Die Trying To Answer.chapter two.

Desperation...A Recession Friendly Approach To Dating

I blame my mom. That and my inability to enjoy down-time for more than two hours. I don't know how to relax. I don't work for the money, I just need to be busy. And this my friends is why I am single. It's not that I don't want a companion, I just can't have one. The needy type is a hard one for me to grasp. I'm still trying to find that nice balance of, 'I want to see you, but not smother you' type.
While all the other girls were going out on their first dates, my mom was telling me, "You are young, have fun! You don't need a boy." A notion, I apparently feel the need to apply forever. I'll be forty and googling bridesmaids on classmates.com, for a civil ceremony where I'll be wearing a white business suit, because frankly, at that age, you don't bother with lavish wedding details. I'll be fairly secure in my career, whatever I decide it to be. And while the judge is asking "Do you take this man...", I'll be reciting "You don't need a boy" over and over in my head. A sentiment that at forty...I might just have to agree to disagree with. Dang Women's Movement. What happened to having babies, and baking cookies? Kidding of course, but being independent is not all that it is cracked up to be. I mean sure, you are powerful, self-sufficient, and a force to be reckoned with...yeah, yeah, yeah. What they fail to mention to our young impressionable minds is that this list is accompanied by yet another list: lonely, jealous, and broke. I get it, the latter doesn't sound as appealing to the every day consumer, and had I heard that list, I might have opted for babies and cookies like many of my friends. I know, I'm stereotyping. You can have babies, and cookies, and a career, but at 23? What sense is there in that? It's like signing up for a pension plan when you are thirty. I'm not being judgemental here, just bitter, really. My mom had me when she was a mere twenty, and I wouldn't have it any other way! All my friends think she is hot, and I get to borrow/steal her clothes all the time, and most think she is my sister! Not to mention the fact that she is pretty "hip" as she would say, and probably my best friend. Had she been thirty when she had me...we'd probably hate each other. Again, kidding. I actually love that all of my friends are having babies. I can play with them, live vicariously through their lovely lives, and then return home to my queen size bed, and pillow appropriately named boyfriend.
Secondly, being single is not cheap. Oh let me count the ways:
For starters, social activities alone are enough to warrant a second job. One of which I have, and yet my bank account is continually depleting. My good friends MasterCard and Visa will all back me up on this I am sure. At least the 'takens' can trade off paying. And if your not lucky enough to have a significant other who shares this same view, I can guess that you guys break even in other ways. Yep, I said it. I know what you're saying. Why go out so much? Typical. And unless you are sending potentials to my house to cook me dinner...no more questions!
Here's another one I ran into at last night's dinner. End of the meal, nicely waiting for the check. A large group of about eight or nine. Even number of guys and girls, and although some were couples, it wasn't overtly obvious to our waiter, or so I thought. "So how do we want to do the checks tonight?" We all asked for split checks, and yet when he got to my friend and I..."By yourselves, alone,separate,single...?" I kid you not. There was a list of adjectives to which he used to describe our current situations. I laughed, and then I cried, as my date for the evening, Discover, picked up the tab. So this is why I've come to my latest conclusions on dating. Being desperate is a route some girls take because it is just more cost effective. And if you're being truly honest with yourselves, most girls are just shallow. More so than they will ever let on. Own it. Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures! No pun intended. In today's uncertain economic times, I guarantee that a girl will shamelessly take you up on a date, if it means she will still be able to afford that Coach purse at the end of the week. Heck, maybe you'll even buy it for her.
Now some girls would opt for a sugar daddy, and yes, they do actually exist! How do I know you ask? I had someone ask if they could be mine on myspace once, apparently they recruit these days. I declined, I mean seriously? When I told the creeper that although I am sure their are girls out there that would happily take him up on his offer, I was not one of them. To which he replied, "Thank you so much! What a compliment!" Really? No sir, actually, I just told you I think you are disgusting, and that I'm not an easy, financially irresponsible twenty-something. Apparently my extreme sarcasm doesn't come through in myspace messages. But to each his own. Financially irresponsible? Maybe, but classy girls do not have sugar daddy's. And, classy I am.
While we are on the topic of such networking websites, let's touch a little on Internet dating shall we? When my facebook profile says that I am just looking for friends...crazy, but yes, I am actually just looking for friends. And not the type that lurk outside my windows at night, thank you. To stalk someone on facebook, twitter, myspace, what have you... and then try to fake like you casually keep running into them in public. SCARY! Quick side note: if you've never met me, and you then ask me where I live and the exact address...you don't come off as interested...some might think that falls more along the lines of crazy! Mkay? I'm definitely not saying that you can't date someone you meet on facebook, or e-harmony, people do it all the time, I'm aware. In fact, I may have had an e-harmony profile at one time, for research purposes of course. 'Review Your Matches For Free'...yeah right! What that actually means, is fill out our ridiculous ten page questionnaire, and then we will link you to Trevor, Dan, and Jason. Ironically enough, they all have the same question mark for their picture, and as far as "reviewing" their profile...name, location, occupation, religious views. Anything beyond that...$60 please. I mean I've had instant messages where I've learned more about a person than that! A/S/L? Covered, and for free! Really? Why am I paying you $60 to tell me that Trevor likes reading, nights in, and coffee in the morning? I don't think the E-harmony people appreciated my answer to question #5,452..."Which is the best way for your matches to get in contact with you?" My answer: a link to my free facebook page. And, I couldn't justify spending $60 to look at a bunch of question mark men, I can do that with clip- art. Not to mention the fact that I still havent convinced myself that meeting someone on E-Harmony is any less creepy than meeting someone random on Facebook. Call me a cynic, or old-fashioned, but I'm working on it. I guess I won't be one of their successful love matches anytime soon. I mean really, I could have this all wrong. According to the New York Times, online dating numbers are up! It's like SIMS for real life. "Jay would like to meet your avatar at the local nightclub....Accept?" Apparently online dating sites are attracting a more frugal crowd these days, so ladies if you are planning on meeting the provider of your future dreams...think again. What happened to casually introducing yourself to someone attractive in public? And why does it have to be a bar? Creepers just ruin it for everyone. You can't be a single girl and get asked out for coffee by a complete stranger anymore. Either they want to go for coffee, and then maybe let you go home...but possibly locking you in the basement is also on the table. And double dates? When has this actually ever worked out? Trying to coerce a fellow single friend into tagging along...virtually impossible. Where is the faith girls?! I wouldn't set you up with a complete loser! No, no, I like to keep those to myself.
I guess all we can do is hope that our faith in dating will soon be restored, and so will the flow to our bank accounts! If we're really lucky, maybe our faith in Mr. Obama will come around too! Until then, I will just have to opt for meaningless FB chat sessions, and expensive dinner's on me.