Who Knew Playing Teacher Would Lead To This!

     Welp, student teaching is off to a fantastic start.  I LOVE IT.  I mean, I didnt have any question that I would.  For once, I am sure of something in my life...and for me there is no other place than with these kids.  I'm loving the unlimited access to butcher paper and dye cutters.  The laminating machine is like a shrine to all the wonderful file folder games I'm creating, most likely to be un-usable after one year of teaching...and still, i.love.it. These kids are falling at my feet for hugs and finding gold in a freshly sharpened pencil from my desk.  I asked one little boy to at least stay in line if he was going to dance on the way to class pictures.  His response?  

Student:  "Oh you fancy huh?  Oh you fancy huh?"  

Me:  I mean I'm kind of dressed up I guess?  It's picture day!  You're supposed to be fancy.  Right? 

Student: "Nail done, hair done, everything did..."

     He just kept saying it over and over again, and finally when he started popping the collar of his shirt, it all clicked.  He was singing Drake's new song Fancy.  My nails and hair were done, so you can understand why I was confused...oh and he's six!  Ahh the little things.

    On Friday we had a school wide assembly to kick of a fundraiser we're starting next week, and there was a surprise performance from the 5th grade girls talent group...appropriately named 'The Superstars'. They sang Ke$ha's Tik Tok, only they brush their teeth with a bottle of water, not Jack.  And they arent trying to get tipsy, just a little crazy.  As for the dudes?  They are still lining up because these girls have swagger, but they kick them to the curb unless they look like Justin Bieber.  A song after my own heart.  They had neon hair extensions and Kanye West stunner shades to complete their performance.  Awesome Friday.  That's about all I have for now.  But if you're needing a little pick me up...my.new.favorite.song.

Much Love, 

a

Stripped.

That's what it honestly feels like. Stripped of sleep.  A relaxing weekend with my family.  All peace of mind.
 Vulnerable and oddly sensitive I've gone through every emotion imaginable this week.  Truth be told, I'm having a really hard time.  I can't help but wonder why God thinks we are strong enough to go through all of this a second time.  I can't help but feel defeated, and frustrated.  I can't help but feel this second diagnosis takes away from 'the perfect match' that my stem cells were supposed to be.  I'm weakly questioning everything I know and believe.  I know this is a test of my faith, but I'll tell you, going through this so blindly is a test of every ounce of my being.  I know the relationship I have with God, (a strong one I feel), but even that isnt answering all that I have questions for right now.  And what does that say?!  A whole different can of worms.
     There are no definitive answers, which means there is no comfort.  Just a need to lean on all that I believe is right in my heart.  I pray that I've made known what Ashley does for my life and everyone she comes into contact with.  I'm not worried about her ability to beat this cancer, because she's done that, and that she will do again.  I pray that I can be some version of strength for her,when it gets hard. She is far stronger than this cancer could ever be, and she proved that within the first hour of her diagnosis the first time.  She is stronger than my whole family combined.  Stronger than I'll ever be, in every sense of the word. 
  So here is what I have so far:
  Someone out there hasnt heard Ashley's story, someone that really needs it.  Although to most she is beautifully shy, she is infact the funniest person you will ever meet, and not so shy!  She often laughs at her own jokes...much before anyone else.  And I love her for it.  She can laugh at life, and find pleasure in the little things.  (Probably the only person who after a month of being sick in the hospital post stem cell transplant, and a virtual inability to eat could say: " I'm so skinny!  Ehh, this month hasnt been sooo bad!").  Perhaps God is needing to give us fresh perspective for something we've missed, and if that is the case, I'm ready and open to learn.  A new perspective for the amazing nurse and mentor she is going to become. 
     If not perspective, then this will just round 2010 out as the worst year of my life...and for those of you that know all the circumstances aside from cancer that have surrounded my family this year, you can understand.  This is fine...BECAUSE STARTING 2011 AND BASICALLY THE REST OF OUR LIVES OUT WITH A HEALTHY SISTER, WHO IS LEUKEMIA FREE...IS BLESSING ENOUGH FOR ME!  I LOVE YOU ASH, AND YOU'VE GOT THIS!

Much Love,
a