Questions I'll Die Trying To Answer.chapter six.

      There was once a time when I idolized this movie.  And by idolized, I mean, I wished, I longed, I believed that I could have been cast in Kate Hudson's place.  Little does Hollywood know...their next big star resides here in the great state of Texas.  Witty, single, twenty-something?  Romantic Comedy? I  mean please, I'd call that more of an autobiographical piece.   Okay, Okay, just kidding.  I'm pretty sure that any girl under the age of thirty would agree that there is a way to parallel every song we sing, every movie we see, ...to our lives in some way.  And yes, I say parallel in hopes that I'm not the only one, although  I'm really probably pretending that my life is totally the same thoroughout the whole movie.  Songs on the other hand...I dont know how, but someone out there is shopping my life story to various artists, and they are choosing to use me and my daily encounters as inspiration for material.  Its really very flattering.  So today I was going through some of my playlists, specifically,  'Soundtrack To My Life' and 'Everyone's In Love But Me...', and it sparked my current epihany!  Well, that and an honest, eye opening, 'I am not crazy, am I?' conversation with a friend...
I AM NOT TOO PICKY . How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days...you're not helping me.  How am I supposed to lose a guy in ten days, if I can't even find one that is open to any emotional attatchment?  Anything other than a proper face to face conversation does not qualify as one on one time...a text is not the same as a phone call...and I know it is all about the chase...and you have to keep up some sort of hard exterior, but could you chase me a little to keep it even?  I
Not to mention that ten days is a freaking world record in terms of losing a guy...any mention of a possible commitment, and all bets are off.    I know your judgements are already forming...but hold off for a sec.  I will fully admit to my own commitment issues.  And although, I think I am painfully obvious in shedding light on my attraction to you...the truth is, I am not.  That half smile I just gave you...yeah, that was me telling you I am in love, oh, and I have been.  In my eyes, this past six months of texting banter...a full blown relationship;)  You feel the same way right?  So later, when I'm upset, it's because I'm really hearbroken you didnt understand that's what this was...haha.  For loving writing as I do, I am terrible at verbally expressing how I feel, so I'm just going to need you to go ahead and figure me out.  Mkay? Thanks.  I also don't think most guys are willing to put in any effort beyond that to see what could develop, and honestly I don't know that I blame them.:)   Or perhaps it's just most guys I am attracted to.  In which case, I say...lame. lame. lame.  So, Reason # 894 I am,  and continue to be very, VERY, single.  That, and probably this blog, if I am being completely honest...
much love,
a

And So It Is...

     I am the most un-coordinated you will find, I've known for awhile.  But today I felt the need to put it on display for oh...everyone.  Trip on my way to class.  Check.  So naturally, when I finally arrived to class late, and with all of my hair blown in front of my face thanks to this 'Are we in Chicago...no, still Texas' weather...I thought it would be a good idea to put my bag next to my chair instead of behind it as usual.  Not so my friends.  Not so.  Fast forward to a 36-slide powerpoint (that my professor decided to 'just read') later...and I stepped on it, wrapped my leg in a strap, and had one of those slow motion, there's nothing I can do now, I hate my life, this is sooooo embarrassing, hi, yes, I am falling right now, catch me?' moments.  Ugh.

Dear week, it's Tuesday.  Not Monday, Not Friday the 13th, just Tuesday.  Get with it already, okay?  So I sat there for another 45 minutes after that, probably bright red, but mostly just worried that I also stepped on my Iphone in my stupid bag.  Stupid bag? yes.  Stupid bag that broke my phone?  Not today, and thank goodness!  It has not been a good few weeks, although, I am totally still loving my rental car!  Getting in the wreck...sucked...and it was scary.  I find myself increasingly aware of stupid driver's now...almost too aware.  I kind of feel the need to write down all license plates, so when they just drive away after hitting me...I'll have them.  Not to mention that anything over 70 in the fast lane...not acceptable anymore.  I know, uncharacteristic for my race car like driving ways...but after spinning out five times, on the free way, with cars driving at me....suddenly, despite it not being my fault...its just not worth it.  Stepping off my soap box....now.
So I have the most awesome job ever!  What did I do today?
Oh...just created some life size Alice in Wonderland playing cards.  No big deal.  Mind you, I'm currently not certified, and therefore cannot be paid for this job...but who cares!  It's way too awesome to care!:)

Devin...(who is super quiet and rarely speaks) walked into class and after seeing this:

Exclaimed this: "Miss Henley you are so crative!( I'm assuming this is his version of the word 'creative')  This is just like the book...you are very efficient!"


Funny that he couldn't say the word creative right, but efficient...no worries.  LOVE it!   So, all in all...Wednesday was a good day!  I got to craft all morning...in heels though...bad idea.  But the finished product was a hit!  Let me tell you, these kids do not miss a beat, and after loving this little number, they also quickly began to notice all that was un-finished with all of my other 'playing card gaurds' that were hanging around the room.  "He doesnt have any hands or feet yet...."  "That one needs a head..."  Fun times.
     Easter weekend was awesome!  Pictures to come:)  I may be 23, but my Dad definitely sent me on a scavenger hunt through the house for clues to a huge prize!:)  There was a $1 bill in each egg!  So I went home with $10...and....wait for it.....$50 to one of my favorite stores! Super cute, super fun!  Always thinking that Dad of mine!  My favorite clue?

'When you are hungry and need something to eat, look inside this for some lunch...______'  haha, so clever too.

     What a weekend it has been.  I am exhausted, which is why I've decided to forgo all class related activities for the evening and just relax.  We had our benefit garage sale, and it was so amazing!  We raised about $2300 for our friends Dad.  Super awesome!

This is my friend Kristen...

She likes fire trucks...what can I say. ;) Love you Kk!

I fell asleep today...at 5:00 this afternoon...and if it didnt sound like my neighbors were building a spaceship in their backyard...maybe two....I probably could have called it a night.  So now I'm off to work to finish payroll for my boss...and then I plan on hanging out with my new bff Aubrey...

CUTEST. BABY. EVER.

Much Love, 
xoxo a

     

All A Blur...

      It's been a good week, but thank God it is over.  Well, almost over.  Last week I was taking naps outside, and just enjoying it all!  Fast forward to this week, and  my procrastinating ways are finally catching up with me, and I find that it is becoming increasingly difficult to procrastinate as I want to all while maintaining the amount of sleep  I want to.  My family probably thinks Im getting mono, I have no energy by the time I get home.  Kindergartners wear you out!  But seriously, so entertaining!  Today, Abigail asked me "Whose Mommy I was?"  I'm still trying to decide how I want to take that.  Complimentary that she could see me as someone's Mommy, or sad that she thinks I look like someone's Mommy.  I'm just going to assume that it's default stereotyping as at five I would also assume anyone taller than four feet was a parent too.  I am convinced that she is going to go into fashion, as she is fascinated will everything I wear.  "Ms. Henley...I love your hair!"  And she already goes for the bargain, which is good to learn early!  You can escape the credit card debt later on..."I love that bracelet! (note: she is probably in the process of taking it off my wrist as she tells me this) I'm going to have it, okay?"  The boys are fun too.   Jude spends all day telling me, "Shouting Courtesy Isn't Showing Courtesy!" and while they aren't shy about letting me know when they aren't happy...(like when I put Oscar's chair up for him...bad idea) they hug me in random passing, and they light up when I walk in the room.  I love them!
   Work has been rather slow...except for today.  PSA for all you pet owners...if you are going to have skiddish dogs, and leave them at home alone...

1. Get an adequate fence so I dont have to interrupt 'Shadow' and 'Peanut's' adventure through the neighborhood.

2.  If you are going to leave them at home to embark on adventures of these sorts...put tags on their collars so I can call you and tell you I have them.

  To the man whose yard I returned said pets too...if they arent yours, I am sorry.  They acted as if your yard was 'home'. 
     This week I also discovered that I have a problem.   I can justify anything.  You name it, and I'll come up with a pretty legitimate reason as to why I need it, want it, bought it...or didnt do it.  Everytime.  Case in point:  my guitar.  I begged, pleaded, hinted....as to why I HAD to have one.  Rising singer/songwriter was not reason enough for my parents...sheesh...what do they know?(I have quite a collection of songs I've penned over the years, and if youre lucky...and I've had some red wine, I might even sing one to you)  To my parents I was somehow convincing nonetheless, and...five years later it is still sitting in the corner of my room, with a broken string.  Sadly,  the broken string isnt even my doing.  So there it sits, except when on rare occasion I feel the urge to convincingly strum along, usually while something else is playing in the background, as my playing seems to sound so much nicer in the company of other instruments.  All this, and you think I would accept defeat?  No no.  I may have spent an undisclosed amount of time on the computer today convincing myself that I needed a new, much fancier, RED GUITAR!  If that doesnt say 'Rockstar'....well then, I just dont know what does.

       Tip of the Week:  Ray Lamontagne's 'Trouble' as a song starter on Pandora is sweet sweet bliss for the soul...just saying.

       

And It Went A Little Something Like This...Questions I'll Die Trying To Answer.chapter five.

Humble Humility:  The Kind Where Just A Little Is Enough

 

     Judging by my life's events, you would think that humility was a passion of mine. A passion it seems, but not one I am purposely seeking. Walking up stairs is a task I still haven't mastered, and all those times I went strutting through the grocery store, only to get back to my car with one earring...or something in my teeth. Humble Humility at it's best! We go through this life day by day, the best we can. Doing what we think is right, but never fully knowing if the decisions we are making are good...or good for the moment. Sometimes, it is all I can do to just decide something, just for the sake of making a decision and moving on. Getting dressed in the morning alone is a task. And for what? So all the cute guys at school who aren't noticing me can not notice me AND my well thought out outfit? I mean can you honestly remember what someone else was wearing just the day before? I am lucky if I can remember what I was wearing two hours ago. My only saving grace most days is my tendency to fall out of my daily outfits as I'm falling into bed for the night. It really is a great system. There is no tricky 'Is this clean?' head game in the morning, because it is always nicely piled right there on the floor. Don't worry, this is not going to be a chapter on how I get ready in the morning, moving on...now. The lessons we learn on a daily basis, are typically hard to understand and at times, even hard to acknowledge. However, it's something you take in stride. Something you should make reasons not to forget...because as I've learned, God will bend you in a way that is far more embarrassing, than if you had just been a little more self-aware in the first place. A way of humbly reminding you.  Case in point:  Not only am I the most un-coordinated you will find, but I also am becoming more increasingly aware of my tendency to love all that is un-cool. A self-proclaimed dork, and maybe just maybe...ready to own it.    All that being said, I look back and it's no wonder embarrassing things keep happening. It's embarrassing that I get dressed up to go grocery shopping. It's embarrassing that until now, I've cared so greatly about such minimal things. I'm going to say that 2009 has been a jam packed year of life lessons. I've done more living in my twenty-three years then most will ever have the chance to do. I've learned lessons that some are lucky to have not had the chance to learn. But I'm grateful. I've learned things some don't grasp until they are well past a time when those lessons might have been helpful, perhaps when it is too late...

Humbly humiliated? Yes. But, forever changed? I can only hope.

Humility has a humorous and sometimes cruel way of reminding us of all that we should remember in our daily encounters with others. A few I've found most recently...

1. That we arent as cool as we think we are.

2. There will always be someone more beautiful or handsome.

3. Someone always has it harder than we do.

4. Not having your Starbuck's in the morning is not a tragedy. Not having somewhere to sleep at night is.

5. You don't have to be in love to give love.

6. Life is so much easier when you don't beat yourself up for someone else's "idea" of the kind of person you are.

7. What your family thinks about the way you live your life...the best reference to go by.

8. Feeling good about the character you possess...so much better than feeling bad. So you should probably do things that make your character known to others in a positive way.

9. Nothing beats being happy.

10. It's much easier to let someone in, when the door isn't closed. But, if it must be closed, shut it lightly. Treat people kindly. Hopefully, when you do finally open the door, they are there, waiting with open arms.

11. Hard times are hard, but you're experience can make it softer for someone later on.

12. No matter what choices you make in life, good or bad...Good people will be there to dry your tears or give you congragulatory hugs. If you havent been shown this love before, be that love for someone else.

13. Good friends are hard to come by. If you find some, let them know what they mean to you and hope they feel the same.

14. Life Is Beautiful.

15. As a last resort, ice cream, comfy blankets, candles, and Sandra Bullock movies are still a popular remedy for a close to a hard day. You may go to sleep crying and with a stomach ache...but when you wake up, the sun will be shining once again.

Much Love,

a

Really Sir? Really?

So let's talk about my weekend...and GO!
Disclaimer: Mom, I already took care of it...and the Insurance...bc I know that is your next question, I have a plan for that too! So...I love you, and Sorry, and I love you?! xo (You should probably look at this picture and remember I'm your favorite before you call me mad):)

I got ANOTHER speeding ticket. Ugh. I mean, I don't even know if I can be mad. I only learn lessons the hard way, that is for sure! I will say, for all the lesson learning I am doing, it's about time for some fun lessons.
Like for example...
closing out my bank account and going to Las Vegas...a fun lesson to be learned.
serial dating, dream worthy date...on a night I should be doing papers...a fun lesson to be learned.
eating ice cream for breakfast....lunch...and dinner...a fun lesson to be learned.
Where I used to be charming and friendly, I find myself just bitter and annoyed with the officers pulling me over. First of all, can we remind ourselves of my 5'6 frame, and Miley Cyrus playing on the radio? Not exactly threatening, so if you could refrain from using your CB radio announcer here in this empty parking lot...I bet I'll still be able to hear you if you would just get out of your car and walk up to my window. Mkay Thanks.
Secondly, although I am sure you are a very nice man, you are about to kindly tell me I am going to be $200.00 more poor...so we can probably just skip this small talk...I don't think you really care to know 'what kind of line of work' I am in, and suddenly I am not in the mood for sharing. The Tx State window sticker is a good indicator...Occupation: 5 minutes ago...Student. Now that we've met: Really Poor Student.
So it seems my days of race car driving are over... Tonight I pretended my little two door cobalt was a Buick and I was a feeble 70 year old woman, all the way home. Slow lane, not so bad...and cruise control...my new 'life tool'.

Now, let's rewind back to Thursday night. Dinner with Donnie, Kane, and my two favorite Ashley's. Good times all around! Ended the evening @ Clayton's...before he went off for an Architecture presentation. A quiet drive home, and my good friend Amos Lee sang me to sleep. What would this world be without I-tunes? Sad, sad, sad.
Friday night I went to Homecoming at my high school. I haven't been back in a few years, and I'm going to say, for the first time I didn't wish I was still in high school!:) Success! haha. Adult life is finally more fun, minus the responsibility...but I can deal.
Saturday was Jessica's funeral. Obviously sad. It's so crazy to sit there and really realize she is not here anymore. I think for me, most of my pain comes for Elysia. I can only imagine what she is going through, and I can really sympathize because in February when Ash was diagnosed, it was a possibility that I could at some point go through the same thing. My world would be over. Ash is my everything. It's not something I could ever prepare for or understand. I think her parent's put it so perfectly to say that Jess is now free from a body that held her captive. She really can be so close to us all now, and she is free and able to live as she used to.
Saturday night was Breezy's Sweet 16. Crazy. She is my exact opposite, and anything girly...not even remotely exciting for her. So you can imagine her annoyance when two hours before her party, I asked her if she wanted me to pick out an outfit for her...and where I should set up my 'Sweet 16 Hair/Makeup' Station? haha, I lost. but she looked oh so cute dancing with her friends, and we had a good time for sure.

Much Love Always,
a

Lesson Of The Week: A Lesson For The Weak...

So I've been doing a lot of thinking this week, as I often do. There is a song I love entirely too much, and in it she sings..."I think I think too much...." yep, written for me for sure! However, on rare occasion, the sad music I always end up listening to and the candle lit room I write in does make for some good self-realizations. I will be the first to say that I analyze way too much, but I always learn something. And because I know you want to know...here is what I am thinking:
I'm finally realizing that the standstill I feel I am in is all brought on myself. No one is going to hand me what I am looking for, no one is going to point me in the direction that I am going to find it...except for myself. Happiness is something that has to be sought after, and if you don't have enough of it, its because you aren't pursuing it enough. They say you have to go after what you want whole heartily and passionately, and I do not. I don't mean this to be misconstrued as if I have this looming cloud over my head. I do pursue happiness, and I have it... but not to the extent I know that I could. I have such expectations for my life, that I think a lot of the time I am afraid to pursue them at all. I am weak and scared. And all too often, I let that be my excuse to seek the comfort in what I already know. Here's the deal though, I have nothing to lose, because right now, in terms of those dreams...I have nothing. I feel like for the past five years, I've been struggling to find out who I am. And until now, I don't think I really had a grasp on it. I push a lot in my life away completely, because it's safe, and I know what to expect. Unexpected is scary, but knowing every move I am going to make is finally getting repetitive. I am ready to be vulnerable to the bigger picture. I'm ready to quit pushing everything and everyone away and embrace all that I don't know! And there is a lot. If there is one thing I've claimed to know...it is that life is all too short! I am surrounded by amazing people that have had it hard lately. And even that is an understatement. I want to take what I have honestly learned from them and let that be reason enough to hold myself accountable to all I should be doing. I claim to be learning so much from them, and yet here I am sitting back, and letting this ONE life pass me by! It is short, but it can be sweet, and I am ready to make it so so sweet.

What Happened To The Days When Being Sick Meant "Princess For A Day"?

I am sick. Well yes, in more than once sense of the word, but today I am refering to being physically ill. I was going to originally spend this post talking about how my inevitable slide into adulthood was beginning, and then through all the sniffiling and work to breathe normally...I had an epihany. A stuck on the couch, six pillows, downcomforter kind of a revelation. I don't want to grow up. Can we talk about how there is nothing more miserable than being sick when you live alone? I will claim the feminist, independent woman card all day long, but when it comes down to it, when I am sick, I am hopelessly needy. I want to be taken care of! Chicken Soup? Yes, please, and if you could snuggle despite my homely appearance, contagious 'I don't know what I have' symptoms, and incredibly bad taste in outfit choice, that would be nice too. As if being sick weren't bad enough, my car broke down on the way home too. My lungs hate me, my car hates me...can a girl get a break?! What did I do? I cried. That's right. Car doors open, car hood up, front seat bawling. Nevermind that there were people all around. I didn't care.
"I just want to get into my bed...wah wah wah"...this probably deterred any possible help from the slew of people waiting at the bus stop in front of my car. The situation looked tragic I'm sure. What did this damsal in distress do you ask? What every damsal would do, I called my Dad. Prince Charming, not so available right now. He drove me home, and towed my car. Good day. I got home, dropped the heels, threw on a hoody and fell into bed. I went to the doctor later, all for her to tell me that the symptoms I was exhibiting were usually cured with sleep and lots of fluids. Really? $30 dollar co-pay for that? I'm going to med-school. Well, sleep? That's not happening this week, and my lungs would beg to differ, so some prescribed relief please. Perscribed she gave, relief...three days later, and I'm still waiting on that part. Ash wanted to bring me soup that evening, but all the way from Austin. And even I, in my compromised state, realized that was ridiculous. However, as soon as I hung up with her, I realized I was cold and thirsty. For five minutes I sat there thinking of how great the days were when I lived at home, and Mom came running with all that I needed. It wasnt until after those five minutes did I realize that wasnt going to happen, and was forced to get it myself. Dizzily stumbling through the hall to my kitchen, I decided growing up sucks. Not only was my Brita water filter empty, but five minutes after cozily settling back into my fort on the couch...burning up! Ugh. I'm hoping menopause is a thing of the past by the time I turn sixty. Then a Sonic commercial came on and convinced me an ice cream sundae was all the cure I needed. Hair sexily fountaining from the top of my head, my black yoga pants stuffed in a pair of Ugg boots, and my comfy hoody on, I treked outside, keys in hand. All to turn the corner to my driveway to remember, I didn't have a car. Defeated, I went back inside, fell into bed once again, shoes and all...and passed out for the night. At 7pm. Being sick when you are young has perks beyone belief. When you are an adult, its just sad.