taking some time...

To say that this has been a tough week would def. be an understatement. I am still trying to understand how God works, and today, I just don't get it. These past few weeks have been absolutely amazing! I've never felt so close to God, and this week I have been knocked down for sure. I've been crying all week, and for someone who genuinely loves being happy...it just sucks. I am trying so hard to have faith in what is happening in my life knowing that God has it all figured out, but wow...some space for clarity and a chance to recouperate would have been nice. I know things are going to be fine, and thank goodness I have the most amazing family ever...I seriously don't think I could deal without my Mom and Dad. So many things have come into question this week, and I really just don't know where to turn. I am overwhelmed and just plain exhausted. I continually turn to God, and I can't find comfort fast enough. At this point I am just trying to surround myself with friends and family in hopes that I'll get back to my happy self soon. I really hate feeling like I can't be glad in everything that is going on in my life, because typically I feel so so blessed. I'm just trying to remind myself that things could be so much worse if I didn't have the support system I do. I love my family with all of my heart, part of the reason I'm struggling so much right now. I am so so broken, and all I want to do is find peace in it all. I need to be happy, it is all I know how to do. I don't do sad well, and it's tearing me up like you can't even imagine. Sorry for the barrage of emotion...but I needed to release it somewhere.

Beautiful Orphans...God, and FUN! My weekend in a nutshell!

So I def. got to go to the most amazing thing ever this weekend! Well aside from the fact that I am slightly obsessed with Africa, I knew as soon as I heard their little voices, I was in love. I got to go see the African Children's Choir perform in San Marcos and omg I loved them! They are a group of Ugandan orphans that travel around the world sharing their stories! So so amazing! The cool thing is, that they aren't up for adoption. The whole point of the choir is to raise money so that these children can be reared in native villages and brought up around their African culture. Just a really cool concept that I am so glad I got to be a part of. Here are some terrible quality videos that really don't do justice, but I will share anyway...all you really need to hear is their beautiful voices, and that's it!


So my sorority had our full retreat this weekend...good times. We laughed a lot, and ate good food...always a good combination I think. Anyway, then I topped off the evening by going to Austin Stone with most of my favs! Jordan, Ash, Christina, Sunny, Boyfriend(not my own, Sunny is just funny and refers to hers quite literally),Good times! I just love love love this church! It is pretty much the most amazing thing ever! I love that I am excited about church again! They always say that you need to be spiritually fed, and that bible studies and prayer is just not enough. And now, I could not agree more! I really haven't gone to church in a long time, 1. because I just don't have a passion for my regular church anymore. It is extremely traditional, and everything and everyone I once loved about that church just isn't there anymore. 2. My schedule sucks! That is a terrible reason not to go to church, which is why I love Austin Stone! They give you every opportunity for that not to be a reason you don't go! I leave just feeling good, which I don't think is ever a bad thing! The sermons are amazingly informative, and I really am getting so so much out of every Sunday I attend! It's way cool. We went to Trudy's for dinner afterwards, which is always fun! Probably my favorite restaurant at the moment, and I really don't want to say how many times I have been in the past month...bc that would just be embarrassing for myself. School is back in full swing, and I feel like I might be getting to a place where I could become overwhelmed.:) I just have a lot to do in these classes, so staying on top of things is going to be key for me! I will say though, I have already done some extra credit, so yeah! Way to start right!?:) I think it will be a good semester anyhow, and I feel like I can make A's in all of my classes as long as I keep with it. A's make my parents happy, and I don't feel like a loser, so I think that is the plan I will go with.
So my friends and I were having an interesting conversation at dinner last night. We were talking about being mature for our age. My sister Ash seems to think it is weird to think that I am mature for my age. I def. didn't agree. She argued that it is one thing to think that you are, but for me to say so of myself was weird...I don't know, bc obviously I don't think it is. I feel like I'm pretty versatile in this sense because I can def. get along with a wide range of age groups. My fifteen year old sister and her friends: check, my friends all ranging in age from 18 to 25: check,my parent's friends: check! my grandma's friends: check!(And yes, we are really friends! I take her to her historical commissioners meetings once a month, and it has to be said that each month I already have a name tag waiting for me at the sign in table. Those old people love me! But what can I say, I think I was a pretty cool 60 year old woman in a past life). So I just guess I don't really see why it is weird that I think I am mature for my age...thoughts? I asked my mom this same question, and she said that I am still young but that I've experienced a lot...so that's probably why I feel that way. Her words exactly: "Well, look at it this way. Your mature in the sense that you've had the college experience, and you've always worked and been really responsible. But you never went through that whore stage, so that's good. Your mature that way too I guess". That whore stage? Who even knew that was a stage in life?! Haha, thanks mom! Glad I could make you proud by not being a whore. So just in case you were wondering...if you went through said stage, I guess you are not as mature as I:) Now here's another question. Can you be totally in love with High School Musical and Hannah Montana and still be mature? I argue yes! Now I understand as a 22 year old this is probably not completely acceptable to most, however, I like to think that this is just one more factor that makes me an incredibly qualified babysitter. I am around children a lot, so I think the fact that I like the same shows they do...only a plus! Like another great qualification in the job of life! "Hmmm we need a new babysitter...." "Look this one already likes the same movies! Hired"! It's really no different than you grown men playing video games all day...and I know you all think you are mature...and even with my love for Disney, I can guess that I am still a few years ahead of you:) Also, I've been really trying to figure this whole work thing out. I really think its time to cut back on the weekends! I mean we're going on year 7 of weekends, and at this point I'm over it! So yeah...I think that at this point, I actually have good reasons as to why being there on the weekends all the time, just isn't working for me. I absolutely love church, and so I don't want anything to get in the way of that, and I really want to actually go see my friends this semester! It doesn't help that they are all spread out College Station, Houston, Austin, Los Angeles, Seattle, Vegas...okay...not those last three, but still it would be nice to just have the option should I feel the need to randomly road trip it to see them!

And They Say Kids Say The Darndest Things...

First things first...if you haven't seen this movie..RENT it...actually Buy it, bc its that awesome. okay can we talk about how cute little kids are?! I mean geez. I was babysitting tonight...and seriously! Funniest kid ever! I love little kids, they always say the funniest things! Not to mention that they all think they know all there is to know about the world. And well really, who are we kidding...i learned most of the important lessons young too!:) The little boy I babysit is three years old! Three, and already he is very precise about being called by his full name, wearing his clothes right so he can be a "cool dude", and oh so much more. This all came to me tonight as he sang "Ho Ho the missing toe, tumbled down his sleigh..." with total confidence...as if there was any question to the accuracy of his lyrics. So much fun! He did proceed to tell me that he didn't like me at one point this evening while we were putting on pj's...to which I replied like a three year old..."that is not very nice, and I thought we were friends!" I like to lower myself to that of a three year old!:) I think had mom picked out some a little cooler...there would have been no problem!:) Don't kill the messenger right!? I'm sorry turtles aren't as cool as T-Rex, but you are three, and you can't even say Tyrannosaurus Rex!:) Will's parents have the lock on the outside of the door bc he gets up so much! He hates bedtime. This has forced him to crawl out of bed and yell under the door "Hey! Hey! Hey You!" at every slight noise I make from downstairs. It's really quite funny. "Do I get the remote...no, too loud...I think I'll just sit here in silence instead." So this past few weeks have been mildly boring, as most of my friends have gone back to school, and well I work ALL THE TIME! I've def. decided that I hate one of my jobs, and by decided, I mean I've known all along, I am just choosing now to fully accept it. I find it all kind of draining...but I have to stick it out a little longer. I think the earlier portion of this post is a testament as to why I should be working in a daycare. I mean think about it! You get to play with cute kids all day...without having to take them home! It's like the end of the day and.."You are too fussy...well here you go Mrs. Smith, have fun tonight! Please bring him back tomorrow when he is happy again" I mean really, win win situation! I really had plans to quit this job last week, and then three other employees beat me to the punch...and well let's be honest...I felt bad for my manager. So it is what it is. So last night I went to Chuy's with a few of my girlfriends, and we really had a blast. A few fun things that happened at dinner:
Our hostess let us know the table was ready....by singing over the intercom.
Jordan and I drank margaritas and giggled a lot...(I'm pretty sure we were actually being funny, but its really not relevant. We pretty much laugh all the time together.)
There was a super cute baby at the end of the table next to us...that just kept waving. Love It. I have def. become that weird girl that not only stares at your babies at dinner...but if you'll let me, I might ask to hold them too...but I swear I'm not crazy or anything!:) I just genuinely love babies! Aww so cute!
We caught up on all that is going on in each others lives, and it was just a good night with the girls. One I think I'm going to have to repeat every night this weekend until school starts on Tuesday! (Something I am not excited about..but what are you going to do?) I went Starbucks on Sunday night...pretty much with this same group, minus Christina, and add a Clayton...and we had so much fun too! Clayton wrote a song for me that is pretty much the most amazing song I have ever heard! He is going to record a video for me and then of course you will all be hearing about it! I feel like when a friend can write a song that even mentions how I sign my notes xoxo a....it is a good thing.
So I totally have a new outlet, and it is so so so much fun! And by fun I mean addicting! Like I really found myself sitting in my room last week counting change to see if I could go to the glass store!"hmmm $5.00, okay that will buy me...!" Cocaine...not so much. Colored glass...YES PLEASE! I'm a junkie for crafts, what can I say? I've been making fused glass plates and jewelry! So awesome! I love it! ! And can I just interject that of all the addictions I could have...besides Bachelor, I think this could be a good one.:) Also, funny that I just asked if I could add that...this is my blog...I can do whatever I want! Anyway....that pretty much gets you up to date! Enjoy! Also, shout out to Jordan, I love that you love to read this...that pretty much makes my day. Especially since reading is really just like a recap for you...we have basically spent the last month together...ALL THE TIME! But either way, it is still aWeSoMe! Thanks Love!
xoxo a

SoMeTiMeS eVeN i NeEd To PiNcH mYsElF...

So let me just start by saying that I typically lead a life of randomness, however this past week has been extremely random and fun to say the least! I love love love my friends, and they are pretty much the reason I love my life so much! I'm sure everyone probably feels the same way I do, but I really don't have the same kind of fun with anyone else. I also got a glimpse into the future this week. As you know, I'm going to be a bridesmaid in my best friends wedding in June. One of the other bridesmaids is going to be 7months pregnant at the time of the wedding...so needless to say,finding a dress that will accommodate everyone has been difficult. So we are at the Bridesmaid store, and we think this dress is cute...well and this is pretty much how the rest of the conversation went:
Bride: "So do y'all like this dress?
Maid of Honor and me: Yeah, it's totally cute! But really how is this going to work for someone that is pregnant?!
Bride: Let's ask the shop people how they can alter it...that might help.
Shop Lady(to me): Yeah, that dress can totally be altered, but do you want to try on the pregnant suit?
Me: Um, yes please!!!
Mind you, I am not the one that is going to be 7 months pregnant at the wedding...let's just make that a clear statement! haha
Sidenote: why it is totally a legit prop to have in a bridal store, we all still thought it was very funny! So I quickly went from simple bridesmaid, to that of an expectant mother! So funny! And while I've never been 7 months pregnant, I'm pretty sure this was an accurate account of what I can physically expect. Of course I had to play the part, so I even took a few photos with with my best "motherly" pose, cupping my unborn pillow child of course! We topped off the afternoon with Trudy's for drinks and stuffed avocado! Great Day! And, it wouldn't be fitting if we didn't end the night seeing Bride Wars, which we somehow dragged our guy friends too. Good movie, and I do recall them laughing quite loudly, so I know they enjoyed it, though they may not admit it as openly as I. We went back to Brit's afterwards and played Dork Ball for a few hours. For those of you not familiar, it is a ridiculous game we played in high school where you basically take turns running around the pool table all while keeping the cue ball, and one other ball moving in unison with the order that you are supposed to hit it. I know that really makes no sense, and really until you embark on the wonder that is this game....you really can't understand. And last but not least, my friend Clayton wrote the most amazing song I have ever heard! It was absolutely amazing, and so so funny! I wish I could share, and soon hopefully I will. I have already put in my request for an "Ode to Amber" as I think it should be properly named. I came home to find that my friend Mollie had left me a message that read as follows:
"so I just realized that the majority of people we know are either engaged/married/or have children or preggers. survey says we're a little behind schedule. :/" to which I thought long and hard in my reply:
"established. which is why I have decided that though we may be sad, lonely, single, and running out of time to pro-create....we can relish in the fact that we still have some things going for us.....our sense of humor, each other of course, and ice cream! Although we may be doomed in the love department, (and yes doomed is possibly a strong word choice...but equally appropriate as well...)we will always have roomate options....and means, and extra rooms for lots and lots of cats....Because if you are plagued by an eternity of singleness (RECAP: like we seem to be setting ourselves up for ), then it is only appropriate to fill the void with something as furry and cute as these. We can start the collection out small (so the humane society doesn't catch on of course)....then we just let them explode! We'll start the hording around year 2. And that my friend, is why we are just fine. No worries. Your welcome.

the only planner you need,
amber

So that was my weekend in a nutshell. Lots of fun!n I've got it all figured out...and there is still fun to be had! One more week still school starts...again! Oh the life of a college student!:)

Just When I Thought It Couldn't Get Worse...It Gets Better!

So the holidays are coming to a close, and I am really kind of upset about it all. I have had a lot of time off recently, which is always cause for some soul searching and self reflection for me. Now, I do this on a daily basis....analyze my life and where I am at...and well, things are looking up! For now anyway. I have been anxiously avoiding looking up my grades for the past month bc I have been so nervous! When I say I am a procrastinator...it is most def. an extreme understatement! I also love to focus on the positive, and by focus I mean totally avoiding any aspect of negativity at all costs! I really have not been able to fathom the idea of another disappointing semester, so I just completely shut it out of mind. I pretty much had to make a certain GPA this semester in order to register for next semester...blah blah blah! Well seeing as classes start in a week or so..I decided to be a big girl and just check them. I DID IT! I am officially back on track, and taking classes that actually pertain to my career choice. I cant even begin to explain the weight that has been lifted. I really don't think I could have handled being a loser for yet another semester! I have seriously been thinking about where I could move when my life falls apart, bc that is what it has felt like! For the past two years, I have just been stuck in this crazy place, and I really have felt like I was running out of options! And please don't take that comment wrong, bc I know school isn't for everyone...those of you not going, I envy you. I really do. I envy the ability to stand up and say, this is a better plan for me. I envy that you have such faith that you can pursue your dreams freely and openly! I wish I had the courage, but right now, I'm not there...so school is my only option! I have a million dreams I want to embark on, but I can't do it until I know I have satisfied my parent's dream for me...a college education. I have been trying to play catch up for three semesters now, and it's been really hard emotionally. Thank God my parents have been supportive, but I still feel like a disappointment to them. Financially, I am not equipped to pay for school myself, and so that has been weighing on my heart a lot. Graduation is no longer an idea, but a reality that is in the sort of near future..(about a year). Whew...I feel like I can breathe again! So this past few weeks has been amazing for the most part, despite one sucky situation...but one I can't do a lot about...so I'm putting it out of mind for now. All of my friends are home from school, and I love them...A LOT, so seeing everyone has been amazing! I am playing with the idea of finding a new job...as one of the current ones...not so great. I am actually kind of excited! It has needed to happen for a very long time now, and I am finally ready to be selfish. I don't really know what I am going to do in terms of employment right now....this is actually going to force me to budget~ YIKES! I know it is all in Gods hands, and so I'm really not trying to stress too hard. So now that you are mildly updated on the crazy life that I lead....I LOVE YOU ALL! Thank you for your comments, as you really have no idea how they help me through!:)
xoxo a

Merry Christmas Friends...LoVe YoU...A lOt~

Now I am sure you are all sick of hearing it, but can I just say how wonderful life is?!?! I always think how different my life would be had my parents not gotten divorced,and i actually grew up in California! I really can't imagine it! It's kind of crazy! I'm pretty sure I would basically be the same Amber, kind of free spirited and creative....although I have to say, I think if I lived/grew up in California, I might have a slightly more exciting life...bc I love California, and it is amazing! However, I have met the most amazing people here in Texas! I love love love them so much! And therefore I think it is necessary to dedicate this post to that which I think makes my life so so so sweet! My Friends!
Ash: I mean, despite the fact that we literally have the same DNA, you are the most awesome girl I know! I love that I can just look at you and I know we are thinking the same thing! You are too much fun, and I couldnt imagine living with anyone else for the last 21 years!
Elysia: you are way too fun! Who could have guessed that one awkward picture would lead to such an awesome friendship! If I knew such great things would come, Im pretty sure I would ask to take an awkward picture with every person I thought might be as amazingly awesome as you!
Mollie: I love love love you! You always laugh at my silly jokes, and yes, I do say stupid things, but you always understand! I love it, and most of all I love you!
Brit: You have def. been the best roomate ever! I love how just watching T.V. together seriously may have been the highlight of a week that otherwise may have been terrible! I cant wait for the wedding, Clay is so awesome, and I totally approve..but you knew that!
Kristen: I mean, basically as a cd giving friend...well I suck...but you don't hold that against me... and well that is what real friends are made of right?! Plus you laugh at me too, and you are just fun...so that is enough for me!
Christina: You share my philosophy on credit cards...well probably not to the same extreme, but I know you will always be up for shopping with me, and when everyone else is telling me how irresponsible I am, I know I can count on you! Which is good!
Arch: I mean despite the fact that you are awesome, and fun, and cook the best fajitas EVER, you always make haning out fun! And it has to be said, no one would be as patient with my running in circles while playing Halo...so THANKS!
Chris and Sabrina: Now I know we dont see eachother like....Ever...but when we do.,..AMAZINGLY fuN! Can I just say, that I may say funny words in the wrong order sometimes...but lets be honest...that happens on a regular basis...even when mexican martini's are not involved...so dont judge!:) Also, Im pretty sure I would not let anyone else in my house when it is that dirty....ever! So you really should feel special.
Jordan: Are there words...this I'm not sure! I love you...and I'm pretty sure we have crammed so major catching up in fast! Love iT!!!
Donnie: Mkay, you may be the most sarcastic with me...and frankly... I love it, bc secretly sarcasm is really the only way to go about things! It really is so much more fun! You make me smile, and I really have so much fun all the time! We have to cram as much fun in as possible before school starts again...kapeesh? I know you agree!
Clayton: I mean are there really words?! I dont know...but I will say that you may be(and by may, I mean for sure) the coolest person ever! You just don't care, and I love it! I wish I could be so much more like that! I laugh way too much when I am with you and it is quite awesome!
Kane: I love that you actually want to hang out with a loser like me, and well everyone else too!:) Sleepover this weekend for sure!
AmberDenae: I am so so so happy that I met you ( in a random, roundabout way!) You are such a light for God, and I really love love love talking to you! You give me such a fresh, beautiful perspective to all that I am feeling, because I know you are going through a lot of the same things~ I thank God every day that I have gotten to share even a glimmer of your life with you! You are beautiful and I really cherish all that you say!
Haley: I mean, this really could go a lot of ways...but I will leave it at this....I only let you and only you refer to me as half of the things you do! It is fun, and I really leave your house laughing...pretty much all the time! Too much fun!
Macy: You pretty much have the most awesome singing skills ever, and I have to say that your constant texting and phone calling always keeps me intrigued...dont ever forget a test hello early in the morning....just a helpful tip from a super smart girl!
Jenna: I love that you wanted to be friends four years ago after I akwardly got excited, and asked you to invite me over...oh year after I had already asked for your number...well lets be honest...I probably invited myself over, but look where we are now!>! You actually invite me over yourself!:) Oh yeah, and I love Bella too...duh!

M.I.A ... Literally!

Okay, so in hindsight, I guess it really hasn't been that terribly long since my last post, but it really feels like forever! I have been so busy finishing up this semester...and having a little fun too! I seriously cant wait for Christmas Break! I so just want to work and have fun, work and have fun! It will be oh so nice! Speaking of working...I am so poor right now! I really haven't figured out how I am going to buy Christmas presents...pasta necklaces anyone?! I will figure things out I am sure, most likely, my sis and I will go on a crazy expedition on Christmas Eve! This is usually how we complete our Christmas shopping every year, then we stay up until 2am wrapping, and are asleep just long enough for "Santa" to sneak our Christmas Stockings in front of the tree. Good Times! I really don't know what to get my sis this year...or any year for that matter:) I stole, well borrowed some old black and white photos of my dad's parents to have framed, my mom is basically an older version of me, so she will be super easy to shop for! She wears all the same clothes I do, and shops at all the same stores...so it really wont be too hard to pick something out! My little brother is happy with anything Star Wars right now, and Breezy, aside from a car, would be happy with anything to do with horses or A&M University. Ash....still clueless! Not even the slightest idea. Funny story...the other day I had a friend ask what he should get her...all I could come up with...paper. She loves stationary. Like she has boxes of the stuff...why, I don't know. Its not like she's writing to anyone, but she just likes it. He clearly was confused by my suggestion:) I will come up with something a little better than that I hope! So, I also have set myself up to have two weekends off over the break! I am so excited! Im going to La Grange to stay with my aunt one weekend, and the other is still up in the air. I really have been wanting to find somewhere to Volunteer over the holidays. Im thinking like homeless shelterish...I dont really know! Ive just been kind of overwhelmed with a spirit and need to give lately! I passed a homeless girl and her dog the other day, and all I had was a dollar! I felt terrible, so I gave it to her and then went to the store and bought her food and dog food/treats. When I went back, she was getting into a car loaded with four other dogs, two of which were tiny puppies! Not to mention the three other ppl in the car. This made me feel like I was still offering so much less than they needed, but she was very thankful for the gesture! Anyway...I know I should give like this all the time, but all this cold weather and christmas cheer really just makes you want to help however you can.